Steve Inc.

I’m unable to work. I still vaguely remember seeing the first Mac ever when I was a kid. Thank you Lala for telling me the story of Steve Jobs most nights instead of how mother goose crossed the hill or some shit like that. Then the mac got lost in the shifting and moving, don’t remember what happened to it. My second encounter was at Packages Limited Art Department. Just looking at a mac would send chills down my spine. Something none of the other ‘accountants’ ever even noticed. “Acha CPU screen mein hee hai? Yeh safaid hai, acha hai” [head-desk]. Yes I put people in boxes. Sometimes.

He had 56 years. Less than most people usually get. Looking back on how he spent it makes me think. So hard. What am I doing with my life? Not only am I wasting it I’m not happy with it either. I’m not dreaming enough. All of this makes me feel as if Jobs is looking at me sternly. His Stanford speech from 2005 was prophetic.  He was family. Inspiration was a word invented for someone like him. Just the fact that I am unable to function since this morning speaks volumes. Even his death has sent me stumbling into an array of thoughts. WHAT am I doing with my life?

"Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

 ~ Steve Jobs

I love how he begins a sentence with And. I love it.

Steve Jobs was more than an Innovator and the brains behind the most revolutionary brand and all of that. He was an absentee mentor. My conscience that always kept kicking me. “This is not what I love” This is not what I love” at work. “This isn’t life” This isn’t life” on weekends. I don’t like a 9 to 5 job. I am a 24 hour worker. Give me something I’m passionate about and I’ll be up in the middle of the night working on it, week after week, tirelessly. I have. My research project for my BSc in three weeks instead of three months, cooking for Ayesha’s surprise birthday, baking/ marinating a turkey at thanksgiving, learning the Circle of fifths and notating a song, figuring out an old song on my guitar on a whim, working on Budgeting techniques, figuring out the insurance template spreadsheet for 3000 employees, making macros after macros, embroidering all through the night only because it’s Eid tomorrow or writing endlessly just because. Some of these may sound interesting and exciting to people, others, completely boring, especially the finance bits but that’s who I am. All of this and more. I tire out when I lack passion. 

I loved another one out of the same speech that Sh had up on her Facebook status update.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

~ Stanford commencement speech 2005

If I am using Safari on a Windows 'contraption' that has to say something about Steve Jobs. Yes, you will be missed thoroughly. With every swish and swoosh and double finger mousepad click. Yes.